1
00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:17,714
- Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
- Oh, Merry Christmas to you, Stevey.

2
00:00:19,096 --> 00:00:20,554
Did you bring me any presents?

3
00:00:20,722 --> 00:00:22,216
Now, why would I wanna do that?

4
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:23,635
Because it's Christmas.

5
00:00:23,808 --> 00:00:27,935
Oh. I thought Santa Claus
brought the presents at Christmas.

6
00:00:28,103 --> 00:00:30,142
You have been a good boy this year?

7
00:00:30,313 --> 00:00:31,476
I have, I swear.

8
00:00:31,648 --> 00:00:34,138
Well, then. Who knows?
Maybe he'll come.

9
00:01:10,180 --> 00:01:11,674
Santa.

10
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:21,938
Reindeer.

11
00:02:07,978 --> 00:02:09,140
Santa?

12
00:02:27,076 --> 00:02:29,234
My daughter and I were in our beds.

13
00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:32,196
Mike was downstairs
decorating the tree.

14
00:02:32,706 --> 00:02:36,833
And I heard a thump on the roof
and then I heard Mike scream...

15
00:02:37,585 --> 00:02:39,791
...and now I'm talking to the FBI.

16
00:02:39,962 --> 00:02:41,290
You didn't see any of it?

17
00:02:41,463 --> 00:02:43,372
No, he was...

18
00:02:43,548 --> 00:02:44,662
He was just gone.

19
00:02:45,133 --> 00:02:47,753
- The doors were locked, no forced entry?
- That's right.

20
00:02:47,926 --> 00:02:50,084
- Does anybody else have a key?
- My parents.

21
00:02:50,262 --> 00:02:52,384
- Where do they live?
- Florida.

22
00:02:52,555 --> 00:02:54,382
Thanks for letting me have a look.

23
00:02:54,557 --> 00:02:57,094
I think we got just about
everything we need.

24
00:02:57,601 --> 00:02:59,143
We're all set.

25
00:02:59,311 --> 00:03:00,390
We'll be in touch.

26
00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:07,023
Agents.

27
00:03:07,651 --> 00:03:10,106
The police said my husband
might've been kidnapped.

28
00:03:10,820 --> 00:03:12,195
Could be.

29
00:03:12,363 --> 00:03:14,236
Then why haven't
the kidnappers called?

30
00:03:14,406 --> 00:03:16,483
Or demanded a ransom?

31
00:03:16,659 --> 00:03:19,066
It's three days until Christmas.

32
00:03:19,244 --> 00:03:21,284
What am I supposed to tell
our daughter?

33
00:03:21,830 --> 00:03:23,240
We're very sorry.

34
00:03:31,963 --> 00:03:32,994
Find anything?

35
00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:36,505
Stockings, mistletoe, this.

36
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,003
A tooth? Where was this?

37
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:40,928
In the chimney.
- No way a man fits up a chimney...

38
00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:43,586
...it's too narrow.
- No way he fits up in one piece.

39
00:03:43,764 --> 00:03:45,424
So if dad went up the chimney...

40
00:03:45,599 --> 00:03:48,172
We need to find out
what dragged him up there.

41
00:03:56,316 --> 00:03:57,691
So was I right?

42
00:03:58,193 --> 00:04:00,434
Is it the serial killing chimney sweep?

43
00:04:00,611 --> 00:04:04,026
Yup, it's actually Dick Van Dyke.

44
00:04:04,531 --> 00:04:05,989
<i>- Who?
- Mary Poppins...</i>

45
00:04:06,157 --> 00:04:08,150
- Who's that?
- Oh, come on... Engh. Never mind.

46
00:04:09,076 --> 00:04:12,030
Walsh is the second guy
grabbed out of his house this month.

47
00:04:12,204 --> 00:04:13,235
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

48
00:04:13,413 --> 00:04:15,204
Did he get dragged up
the chimney too?

49
00:04:15,373 --> 00:04:18,492
Don't know. Witnesses said they heard
a thump on the roof.

50
00:04:19,043 --> 00:04:20,287
What are we dealing with?

51
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:22,583
- Actually, I have an idea.
- Yeah?

52
00:04:22,754 --> 00:04:24,296
It's gonna sound crazy.

53
00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:27,417
What could you possibly say
that sounds crazy to me?

54
00:04:27,633 --> 00:04:30,550
Um... Evil Santa.

55
00:04:32,011 --> 00:04:34,052
- Yeah, that's crazy.
- Yeah.

56
00:04:34,223 --> 00:04:38,884
I'm just saying that there's some version
of the Anti-Claus in every culture.

57
00:04:39,060 --> 00:04:41,597
You got Belsnickel,
Krampus, Black Peter.

58
00:04:41,770 --> 00:04:44,391
- Whatever you wanna call it.
- Saying what?

59
00:04:44,564 --> 00:04:47,055
Saying, back in the day,
Santa's brother went rogue.

60
00:04:47,233 --> 00:04:50,648
Now he shows up around Christmas,
but instead he punishes the wicked.

61
00:04:50,819 --> 00:04:53,571
- By hauling their ass up chimneys?
- For starters, yeah.

62
00:04:53,738 --> 00:04:56,525
So this is your theory, huh?
Santa's shady brother?

63
00:04:56,699 --> 00:04:59,486
Well, I... Just saying,
that's what the lore says.

64
00:04:59,660 --> 00:05:01,948
Santa doesn't have a brother.
There is no Santa.

65
00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:05,738
Yeah, I know. You're the one who told
me that in the first place, remember?

66
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,451
Yeah, you know what,
I could be wrong, I...

67
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:16,043
Gotta be wrong.

68
00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:17,958
Maybe, maybe not.

69
00:05:18,133 --> 00:05:20,624
- What?
- I did a little digging.

70
00:05:20,802 --> 00:05:22,628
Both victims visited the same place...

71
00:05:22,804 --> 00:05:24,879
...before they got snatched.
- Where?

72
00:05:30,310 --> 00:05:32,717
Hurry up. Ha-ha.

73
00:05:32,895 --> 00:05:34,638
Hurry.

74
00:05:36,106 --> 00:05:37,648
- Hey.
- Hey.

75
00:05:37,816 --> 00:05:40,022
It does kind of lend credence
to the theory.

76
00:05:40,193 --> 00:05:43,561
Yeah, but Anti-Claus? Couldn't be.

77
00:05:43,737 --> 00:05:47,781
It's a Christmas miracle. Speaking of,
we should have one this year.

78
00:05:48,324 --> 00:05:49,984
- Have one what?
- A Christmas.

79
00:05:50,159 --> 00:05:52,697
- Ha. No, thanks.
- No, we'll get a tree...

80
00:05:52,870 --> 00:05:55,787
...a little Boston Market,
just like when we were little.

81
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:58,447
Dean, those weren't exactly
Hallmark memories for me.

82
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,666
We had some great Christmases.

83
00:06:00,835 --> 00:06:03,408
- Who's childhood are you talking about?
- Come on, Sam.

84
00:06:03,587 --> 00:06:05,496
No, just...

85
00:06:05,756 --> 00:06:06,835
No.

86
00:06:08,592 --> 00:06:10,584
All right, grinch.

87
00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,227
What is that?

88
00:06:32,194 --> 00:06:33,273
Present for dad.

89
00:06:34,029 --> 00:06:37,064
Yeah, right. Where did you
get the money? Steal it?

90
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,860
No. Uncle Bobby gave it to me
to give to him.

91
00:06:40,034 --> 00:06:41,444
Said it was real special.

92
00:06:41,618 --> 00:06:42,697
What is it?

93
00:06:43,328 --> 00:06:45,035
- A pony.
- Heh.

94
00:06:45,371 --> 00:06:47,198
Very funny.

95
00:06:51,668 --> 00:06:53,043
Dad's gonna be here, right?

96
00:06:53,711 --> 00:06:56,202
- He'll be here.
- But it's Christmas.

97
00:06:56,714 --> 00:06:57,745
He knows.

98
00:06:57,923 --> 00:06:59,749
And he'll be here. Promise.

99
00:06:59,925 --> 00:07:02,380
- Where is he anyway?
- On business.

100
00:07:02,552 --> 00:07:05,173
- What kind of business?
- You know that.

101
00:07:05,929 --> 00:07:07,923
- He sells stuff.
- What kind of stuff?

102
00:07:08,099 --> 00:07:09,344
Stuff.

103
00:07:09,517 --> 00:07:11,141
Nobody ever tells me anything.

104
00:07:12,352 --> 00:07:14,475
Then quit asking.

105
00:07:22,486 --> 00:07:23,648
Is dad a spy?

106
00:07:23,903 --> 00:07:27,568
- Mm-hm. He's James Bond.
- Why do we move around so much?

107
00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:31,274
Because everywhere we go,
they get sick of your face.

108
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,617
I'm old enough, Dean.
You can tell me the truth.

109
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:40,038
You don't wanna know the truth.
Believe me.

110
00:07:40,208 --> 00:07:42,959
Is that why we never talk about mom?

111
00:07:43,461 --> 00:07:47,125
Shut up!
Don't you ever talk about mom, ever!

112
00:07:50,592 --> 00:07:52,383
Wait, where are you going?

113
00:07:52,551 --> 00:07:54,176
Out.

114
00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:05,724
You'd think for the 10 bucks
it costs to get in...

115
00:08:05,896 --> 00:08:08,101
...Santa could scrounge up
a little snow.

116
00:08:10,191 --> 00:08:11,566
What?

117
00:08:11,942 --> 00:08:14,611
Nothing.
What are we looking for again?

118
00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:17,403
Um...

119
00:08:17,947 --> 00:08:21,398
Lore says that the Anti-Claus
will walk with a limp...

120
00:08:21,575 --> 00:08:23,982
...and smell like sweets.

121
00:08:24,327 --> 00:08:27,993
Great, so we're looking for
a pimp Santa. Why the sweets?

122
00:08:28,165 --> 00:08:32,162
Think about it. If you smell like candy,
the kids will come closer, you know?

123
00:08:33,294 --> 00:08:35,167
- That's creepy.
- Heh.

124
00:08:35,379 --> 00:08:38,545
How does this thing know who's been
naughty and who's been nice?

125
00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:40,455
I don't know.

126
00:08:42,676 --> 00:08:45,630
So, Ronny, come sit on Santa's knee.
Augh.

127
00:08:45,804 --> 00:08:47,132
There you go.

128
00:08:47,305 --> 00:08:49,677
- You've been a good boy this year?
Yeah.

129
00:08:49,849 --> 00:08:51,224
Good.

130
00:08:51,392 --> 00:08:54,012
Santa's got a special gift for you.

131
00:08:56,938 --> 00:08:57,969
Maybe we do.

132
00:08:59,148 --> 00:09:00,179
Come on, honey.

133
00:09:00,357 --> 00:09:01,637
- All right.
- Let's go.

134
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:05,192
Welcome to Santa's Court.
Can I escort your child to Santa?

135
00:09:05,862 --> 00:09:07,190
No, no.

136
00:09:07,363 --> 00:09:10,778
But actually, my brother here,
it's been a lifelong dream of his.

137
00:09:12,409 --> 00:09:16,275
- Sorry. No kids over 12.
- No, he's just kidding.

138
00:09:16,454 --> 00:09:17,947
We only came here to watch.

139
00:09:21,541 --> 00:09:23,035
Ew.

140
00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:26,243
I didn't mean that we came here to... Y...

141
00:09:28,213 --> 00:09:29,837
Thanks a lot, Dean. Thanks for that.

142
00:09:31,924 --> 00:09:33,584
Check it out.

143
00:09:38,638 --> 00:09:40,547
It's all right.

144
00:09:43,977 --> 00:09:45,305
Are you seeing this?

145
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,395
A lot of people walk with limps.

146
00:09:47,563 --> 00:09:52,438
- You didn't smell that? That was candy.
- That was ripple. I think. Had to be.

147
00:09:54,735 --> 00:09:56,692
Maybe.
We willing to take that chance?

148
00:10:00,699 --> 00:10:02,525
What time is it?

149
00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:04,858
Same as the last time you asked.

150
00:10:05,828 --> 00:10:07,487
Here.

151
00:10:07,663 --> 00:10:09,204
Caffeinate.

152
00:10:17,295 --> 00:10:18,493
Wonderful.

153
00:10:22,466 --> 00:10:24,257
Hey, Sam.

154
00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:25,964
Yeah?

155
00:10:26,469 --> 00:10:28,509
Why are you the boy
that hates Christmas?

156
00:10:29,555 --> 00:10:31,049
- Dean.
- I mean, I admit it.

157
00:10:31,223 --> 00:10:33,381
We had a few bumpy holidays
when we were kids.

158
00:10:33,558 --> 00:10:35,052
- Bumpy?
- But that was then.

159
00:10:35,226 --> 00:10:36,602
We'll do it right this year.

160
00:10:37,478 --> 00:10:40,395
Look, Dean, if you wanna
have Christmas, knock yourself out.

161
00:10:40,564 --> 00:10:42,224
Just don't involve me.

162
00:10:44,776 --> 00:10:48,109
Oh, yeah. That would be great.
Me and myself making cranberry molds.

163
00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:04,327
What's up with Saint Nicotine?

164
00:11:06,836 --> 00:11:08,211
Oh, my God!

165
00:11:15,885 --> 00:11:17,344
Ha.

166
00:11:17,553 --> 00:11:19,213
- What?
- Nothing.

167
00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:20,551
It's just that...

168
00:11:20,723 --> 00:11:24,850
Well, you know, Mr. Gung-Ho Christmas
might have to blow away Santa.

169
00:11:31,356 --> 00:11:33,313
The hell you doing here, huh?

170
00:11:34,609 --> 00:11:36,648
<i>I'm really not interested, okay?</i>

171
00:11:36,819 --> 00:11:38,194
<i>Mistle my toe.</i>

172
00:11:38,820 --> 00:11:39,899
<i>Roast my chestnut.</i>

173
00:11:40,488 --> 00:11:42,066
L...

174
00:11:43,449 --> 00:11:44,694
<i>Jingle my bell.</i>

175
00:12:05,217 --> 00:12:07,090
Let's go.

176
00:12:35,868 --> 00:12:37,990
Santa, you're early.

177
00:14:14,448 --> 00:14:16,903
So that's how your son
described the attack?

178
00:14:17,075 --> 00:14:18,818
Santa took daddy up the chimney?

179
00:14:18,993 --> 00:14:20,867
That's what he says, yes.

180
00:14:21,037 --> 00:14:23,076
- And where were you?
- I was asleep.

181
00:14:23,706 --> 00:14:29,043
And all of a sudden, Al was being
dragged out of bed, screaming.

182
00:14:29,210 --> 00:14:30,704
Did you see the attacker?

183
00:14:32,338 --> 00:14:34,745
It was dark and he hit me.

184
00:14:34,923 --> 00:14:36,002
He knocked me out.

185
00:14:37,091 --> 00:14:38,585
I'm sorry. I know this is hard.

186
00:14:39,093 --> 00:14:40,338
Yeah. Uh...

187
00:14:41,220 --> 00:14:45,264
Mrs. Caldwell, where did you get
that wreath above the fireplace?

188
00:14:51,311 --> 00:14:52,556
Excuse me?

189
00:14:56,942 --> 00:14:59,148
Just curious, you know?

190
00:15:02,405 --> 00:15:05,440
Wreaths, huh? Sure you didn't
wanna ask her about her shoes?

191
00:15:05,615 --> 00:15:07,608
I saw some nice handbags
in the foyer.

192
00:15:07,784 --> 00:15:09,942
- We've seen that wreath before, Dean.
- Where?

193
00:15:10,119 --> 00:15:13,155
The Walsh's. Yesterday.

194
00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:15,287
I know. I was just testing you.

195
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:20,543
Yeah. All right.

196
00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:22,952
Well, keep looking, would you?

197
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:24,458
Thanks, Bobby.

198
00:15:24,631 --> 00:15:28,462
Well, we're not dealing
with the Anti-Claus.

199
00:15:28,634 --> 00:15:29,748
What did Bobby say?

200
00:15:30,594 --> 00:15:31,708
That we're morons.

201
00:15:32,387 --> 00:15:35,838
He also said that it was probably
meadowsweet in those wreaths.

202
00:15:36,349 --> 00:15:39,717
Wow. Amazing.
What the hell is meadowsweet?

203
00:15:39,893 --> 00:15:43,096
It's pretty rare and it's the most
powerful plant in pagan lore.

204
00:15:43,604 --> 00:15:45,264
- Pagan lore?
- Yeah.

205
00:15:45,856 --> 00:15:47,979
They'd use meadowsweet
for human sacrifices.

206
00:15:48,150 --> 00:15:50,356
It was kind of like a chum
for their gods.

207
00:15:50,527 --> 00:15:54,025
Gods were drawn to it, they'd stop by
and snack on the nearest human.

208
00:15:54,196 --> 00:15:56,651
Why would somebody use that
for Christmas wreaths?

209
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:58,948
It's not so crazy as it sounds, Dean.

210
00:15:59,117 --> 00:16:01,358
Pretty much every
Christmas tradition is pagan.

211
00:16:01,869 --> 00:16:03,280
Christmas is Jesus' birthday.

212
00:16:03,787 --> 00:16:08,116
Jesus' birthday was probably in the fall.
It was the winter solstice festival...

213
00:16:08,291 --> 00:16:10,532
...that was co-opted by the Church
and renamed.

214
00:16:10,710 --> 00:16:14,245
The yule log, Santa's red suit,
that's all remnants of pagan worship.

215
00:16:14,422 --> 00:16:16,165
How do you know that?

216
00:16:16,340 --> 00:16:19,506
What will you tell me next?
Easter bunny's Jewish?

217
00:16:21,094 --> 00:16:22,837
Think we're dealing with a pagan god?

218
00:16:23,012 --> 00:16:24,969
Yeah, probably Holdenacar...

219
00:16:25,139 --> 00:16:27,464
...god of the winter solstice.

220
00:16:28,392 --> 00:16:32,139
And all these Martha Stewart wannabes
buying these fancy wreaths.

221
00:16:32,311 --> 00:16:35,228
Yup, it's like putting a neon sign
on your front door saying:

222
00:16:35,397 --> 00:16:37,603
- "Come kill us. "
- Great.

223
00:16:38,608 --> 00:16:39,771
Huh.

224
00:16:39,943 --> 00:16:42,729
When you sacrifice to Holdenacar,
guess what he gives you?

225
00:16:42,903 --> 00:16:45,441
- Lap dances, hopefully.
- Mild weather.

226
00:16:48,158 --> 00:16:50,862
Like no snow in the middle
of December in Michigan.

227
00:16:51,035 --> 00:16:53,027
- For instance.
- Do we know how to kill it?

228
00:16:53,203 --> 00:16:54,745
No, Bobby's working on that now.

229
00:16:54,913 --> 00:16:57,748
We gotta figure out
where they're selling those wreaths.

230
00:16:57,915 --> 00:16:59,540
They're selling them on purpose?

231
00:16:59,709 --> 00:17:01,950
Feeding the victims to this thing?

232
00:17:03,670 --> 00:17:04,701
Let's find out.

233
00:17:13,928 --> 00:17:16,798
- Can I help you, boys?
- I hope so.

234
00:17:16,973 --> 00:17:20,175
We were playing Jenga over
at the Walsh's the other night and...

235
00:17:20,350 --> 00:17:22,805
Well, he hasn't shut up since
about this wreath.

236
00:17:22,977 --> 00:17:25,931
- I don't know. You tell him.
- Sure.

237
00:17:27,773 --> 00:17:29,267
It was yummy.

238
00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:35,645
I sell a lot of wreaths, guys.

239
00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:39,404
Right, right, but you see,
this one would have been really special.

240
00:17:39,575 --> 00:17:43,868
It had... It had green leaves,
white buds on it.

241
00:17:44,037 --> 00:17:46,243
Might have been made
of meadowsweet?

242
00:17:46,414 --> 00:17:48,905
Well, aren't you a fussy one?

243
00:17:49,083 --> 00:17:50,411
N...

244
00:17:50,751 --> 00:17:52,410
He is. Heh-heh.

245
00:17:52,586 --> 00:17:55,871
Anyway, I know the one
you're talking about. I'm all out.

246
00:17:56,047 --> 00:17:58,833
Huh. Seems like this meadowsweet
stuff's rare and expensive.

247
00:17:59,007 --> 00:18:01,332
- Why make wreaths out of it?
- I didn't make them.

248
00:18:02,010 --> 00:18:03,919
- Who did?
- Madge Carrigan, a local lady.

249
00:18:04,095 --> 00:18:06,764
Said they were so special,
she gave them to me for free.

250
00:18:06,931 --> 00:18:08,757
- She didn't charge you.
- Nope.

251
00:18:08,932 --> 00:18:10,759
- Sell them for free?
- It's Christmas...

252
00:18:10,934 --> 00:18:14,468
...people pay a butt-load for this crap.
- That's the spirit.

253
00:18:17,773 --> 00:18:20,690
How much do you think
a meadowsweet wreath would cost?

254
00:18:21,109 --> 00:18:24,643
- Couple hundred dollars, at least.
- This lady's giving them away for free?

255
00:18:24,820 --> 00:18:26,230
What do you think about that?

256
00:18:26,405 --> 00:18:29,571
Well, I'd say it's pretty suspicious.

257
00:18:31,659 --> 00:18:34,576
Remember that wreath
Dad brought home that one year?

258
00:18:36,246 --> 00:18:39,365
You mean, the one he stole from,
like, a liquor store?

259
00:18:39,540 --> 00:18:42,078
Yeah, it was a bunch
of empty beer cans.

260
00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:43,958
That thing was great.

261
00:18:44,127 --> 00:18:48,172
I bet if I looked around hard enough,
I could probably find one just like it.

262
00:18:48,340 --> 00:18:49,798
All right.

263
00:18:50,217 --> 00:18:53,799
- Dude, what's going on with you?
- What?

264
00:18:53,970 --> 00:18:58,346
Since when are you Bing Crosby?
Why do you wanna do Christmas so bad?

265
00:18:58,723 --> 00:19:02,139
Why are you so against it? Were your
childhood memories that traumatic?

266
00:19:02,310 --> 00:19:04,385
- That has nothing to do with it.
- Then what?

267
00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:07,562
I mean, I just... I don't get it.

268
00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:10,601
You haven't talked about Christmas
in years.

269
00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:14,016
Well, yeah.

270
00:19:15,695 --> 00:19:16,893
This is my last year.

271
00:19:24,661 --> 00:19:26,203
I know.

272
00:19:28,122 --> 00:19:29,664
That's why I can't.

273
00:19:31,833 --> 00:19:33,541
What do you mean?

274
00:19:36,546 --> 00:19:41,290
I mean, I can't just sit around
drinking eggnog...

275
00:19:41,466 --> 00:19:43,873
...pretending everything's okay...

276
00:19:44,052 --> 00:19:46,969
...when I know next Christmas
you'll be dead.

277
00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:53,467
I just can't.

278
00:20:07,905 --> 00:20:11,736
- Thought you went out?
- Yeah, and I got you dinner.

279
00:20:12,951 --> 00:20:15,027
Don't forget your vegetables.

280
00:20:24,919 --> 00:20:27,540
I know why you keep a gun
under your pillow.

281
00:20:30,924 --> 00:20:32,086
No, you don't.

282
00:20:32,258 --> 00:20:33,503
Stay out of my stuff.

283
00:20:33,926 --> 00:20:36,251
And I know why we lay salt down
everywhere we go.

284
00:20:36,428 --> 00:20:38,919
No, you don't. Shut up.

285
00:20:45,936 --> 00:20:47,809
Where did you get that? That's dad's.

286
00:20:47,979 --> 00:20:50,055
He's gonna kick your ass
for reading that.

287
00:20:50,731 --> 00:20:52,558
- Are monsters real?
- What?

288
00:20:52,733 --> 00:20:54,606
- You're crazy.
- Tell me.

289
00:21:05,827 --> 00:21:11,033
I swear, if you ever tell dad
I told you any of this, I will end you.

290
00:21:11,206 --> 00:21:12,665
Promise.

291
00:21:21,006 --> 00:21:25,798
First thing you have to know is
we have the coolest dad in the world.

292
00:21:26,303 --> 00:21:28,509
- He's a superhero.
- He is?

293
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,174
Yeah.

294
00:21:30,973 --> 00:21:32,088
Monsters are real.

295
00:21:33,517 --> 00:21:35,308
Dad fights them.

296
00:21:35,477 --> 00:21:37,101
He's fighting them right now.

297
00:21:37,270 --> 00:21:40,021
But dad said the monsters under my bed
weren't real.

298
00:21:41,565 --> 00:21:44,352
That's because he'd already checked
under there.

299
00:21:45,568 --> 00:21:46,897
But, yeah, they're real.

300
00:21:48,237 --> 00:21:49,435
Almost everything's real.

301
00:21:50,030 --> 00:21:51,939
Is Santa real?

302
00:21:52,199 --> 00:21:53,397
No.

303
00:21:57,245 --> 00:22:00,779
If monsters are real, then they
could get us. They could get me.

304
00:22:00,956 --> 00:22:03,873
- Dad's not gonna let them get you.
- But what if they get him?

305
00:22:04,542 --> 00:22:06,369
They aren't gonna get dad.

306
00:22:06,544 --> 00:22:08,335
Dad's, like, the best.

307
00:22:10,088 --> 00:22:12,413
I read in dad's book
that they got mom.

308
00:22:16,427 --> 00:22:17,837
It's complicated, Sam.

309
00:22:18,011 --> 00:22:21,510
If they got mom, they can get dad.
If they can get dad, they can get us.

310
00:22:22,849 --> 00:22:24,129
It's not like that.

311
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:27,805
Okay, dad's fine.

312
00:22:27,978 --> 00:22:29,721
We're fine.

313
00:22:30,313 --> 00:22:31,973
Trust me.

314
00:22:37,694 --> 00:22:41,146
- You okay?
- Yeah.

315
00:22:45,118 --> 00:22:47,608
You know, dad's gonna be here
for Christmas.

316
00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:49,318
Just like he always is.

317
00:22:53,291 --> 00:22:54,833
I just wanna go to sleep, okay?

318
00:22:59,713 --> 00:23:01,420
Yeah, okay.

319
00:23:06,510 --> 00:23:08,301
It'll all be better when you wake up.

320
00:23:11,931 --> 00:23:13,306
You'll see.

321
00:23:17,394 --> 00:23:19,018
Promise.

322
00:23:36,451 --> 00:23:38,858
So this is where Mrs. Wreath lives,
huh?

323
00:23:40,370 --> 00:23:43,573
Boy, can't you just feel the evil,
pagan vibe?

324
00:23:50,962 --> 00:23:53,453
- Yes?
- Tell me you're the Madge Carrigan...

325
00:23:53,631 --> 00:23:56,169
...who makes the wreaths.
- Why, yes I am.

326
00:23:56,342 --> 00:23:57,800
- Hah. Bingo.
- Yeah.

327
00:23:57,968 --> 00:24:01,966
We were just admiring your wreaths
at Mr. Silar's place the other day.

328
00:24:02,139 --> 00:24:03,170
You were?

329
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,806
Isn't that meadowsweet the finest
smelling thing you ever smelled?

330
00:24:06,976 --> 00:24:08,055
It is. It sure is.

331
00:24:08,227 --> 00:24:11,144
But seem the problem is that
all your wreaths had sold out...

332
00:24:11,313 --> 00:24:13,804
...before we got the chance to buy one.
- Oh, fudge.

333
00:24:13,982 --> 00:24:16,472
You wouldn't happen to have
another one.

334
00:24:16,651 --> 00:24:20,399
Oh, no. I'm afraid those were
the only ones I had for this season.

335
00:24:20,571 --> 00:24:22,895
Why'd you decide to make them
out of meadowsweet?

336
00:24:23,073 --> 00:24:24,981
Why, the smell, of course.

337
00:24:25,158 --> 00:24:27,233
I don't think I've smelled
anything finer.

338
00:24:27,409 --> 00:24:30,493
- Yeah. You mentioned that.
- What's going on, honey?

339
00:24:30,662 --> 00:24:33,615
Well, just some nice boys,
asking about my wreaths, dear.

340
00:24:33,790 --> 00:24:36,114
Oh, the wreaths are fine.
Fine wreaths.

341
00:24:36,625 --> 00:24:39,329
Oh. Care for some peanut brittle?

342
00:24:39,711 --> 00:24:41,335
Ooh... Mm. Heh.

343
00:24:41,546 --> 00:24:42,826
We're okay.

344
00:24:48,802 --> 00:24:51,292
I knew it.
Something was off with those two.

345
00:24:51,471 --> 00:24:54,091
- What did you find?
- They lived in Seattle last year...

346
00:24:54,264 --> 00:24:56,173
...where two abductions took place.

347
00:24:56,349 --> 00:24:58,057
They moved here in January.

348
00:24:58,226 --> 00:25:01,511
The Christmas crap wasn't boughs
of holly, it was vervain and mint.

349
00:25:01,687 --> 00:25:03,726
- Pagan stuff?
- Serious pagan stuff.

350
00:25:03,897 --> 00:25:07,312
Ozzie and Harriett are keeping a god
hidden underneath their couch?

351
00:25:07,483 --> 00:25:09,855
All I know is
we gotta check them out.

352
00:25:10,528 --> 00:25:14,441
What about Bobby? He's sure evergreen
stakes will kill this thing, right?

353
00:25:14,781 --> 00:25:16,774
Yeah, he's sure.

354
00:25:42,763 --> 00:25:45,088
See, plastic.

355
00:26:22,628 --> 00:26:23,659
Hey, Dean.

356
00:27:04,622 --> 00:27:06,080
Oh.

357
00:27:52,286 --> 00:27:53,484
Aah!
- Sam!

358
00:28:06,965 --> 00:28:11,127
Gosh, I wish you boys
hadn't come down here.

359
00:28:34,153 --> 00:28:35,564
Dean?

360
00:28:36,489 --> 00:28:38,148
Are you okay?

361
00:28:38,949 --> 00:28:40,906
Yeah, I think so.

362
00:28:41,743 --> 00:28:45,325
So I guess we're dealing
with Mr. And Mrs. God.

363
00:28:45,663 --> 00:28:47,821
- Nice to know.
- Yeah.

364
00:28:47,998 --> 00:28:50,667
Oh, and here we thought
you two lazybones...

365
00:28:50,833 --> 00:28:53,620
...were gonna sleep straight through
all the fun stuff. Ha-ha.

366
00:28:53,794 --> 00:28:57,874
- And miss all this? No, we're partiers.
- Isn't he a kick in the pants, honey?

367
00:28:58,048 --> 00:29:00,123
You're hunters, is what you are.

368
00:29:00,299 --> 00:29:01,628
Yeah, and you're pagan gods.

369
00:29:01,801 --> 00:29:04,374
So why don't we call it even
and go our separate ways?

370
00:29:04,553 --> 00:29:08,052
What, so you can bring back more
hunters and kill us? I don't think so.

371
00:29:08,222 --> 00:29:11,307
You should have thought that
before you went snacking on humans.

372
00:29:11,476 --> 00:29:12,887
- Oh, now, don't get all wet.
- Ho.

373
00:29:13,061 --> 00:29:16,595
Why, we used to take over
a hundred tributes a year.

374
00:29:16,772 --> 00:29:19,013
And that's a fact.

375
00:29:19,191 --> 00:29:22,191
Now, what do we take,
what, two, three?

376
00:29:22,735 --> 00:29:25,190
- Uhn.
- Hardy Boys here make five.

377
00:29:27,155 --> 00:29:29,148
Now, that's not so bad, is it?

378
00:29:29,324 --> 00:29:31,482
You say it like that,
you are the Cunninghams.

379
00:29:31,659 --> 00:29:33,616
You better show us a little respect.

380
00:29:33,786 --> 00:29:34,900
Or what?

381
00:29:35,412 --> 00:29:37,535
- You'll eat us?
Not so fast.

382
00:29:37,706 --> 00:29:41,489
- There's rituals to be followed first.
- Oh, we're just sticklers for ritual.

383
00:29:42,585 --> 00:29:44,411
You know what kicks off
the shebang?

384
00:29:44,586 --> 00:29:46,329
Let me guess. Meadowsweet.

385
00:29:46,504 --> 00:29:48,461
Oh, shucks, you're all out of wreaths.

386
00:29:48,631 --> 00:29:50,789
I guess we'll have
to cancel the sacrifice.

387
00:29:51,634 --> 00:29:53,958
Don't be such a gloomy Gus.

388
00:29:54,594 --> 00:29:56,053
There.

389
00:29:56,387 --> 00:29:58,261
Oh.

390
00:29:58,598 --> 00:30:00,886
Don't they just look darling?

391
00:30:01,058 --> 00:30:02,433
Good enough to eat.

392
00:30:04,352 --> 00:30:08,100
Alrighty-roo, step number two.

393
00:30:12,484 --> 00:30:14,227
- Sammy.
No.

394
00:30:14,402 --> 00:30:15,777
- Sammy?
No, no, don't.

395
00:30:15,945 --> 00:30:18,649
- Aah!
- Leave him alone, you son of a bitch!

396
00:30:19,114 --> 00:30:22,031
You hear how they talk to us?
Ha-ha. To gods?

397
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:25,200
Listen, pal, back in the day,
we were worshipped by millions.

398
00:30:25,369 --> 00:30:27,658
- Times have changed.
- Ha. Tell me about it.

399
00:30:27,830 --> 00:30:31,033
All of a sudden, this Jesus character's
the hot, new thing in town.

400
00:30:31,208 --> 00:30:35,122
Our altars are being burned down and
we're being hunted down like monsters.

401
00:30:35,295 --> 00:30:39,623
But did we say peep?
Oh, no, no, no, we did not.

402
00:30:39,798 --> 00:30:41,672
Two millennium.

403
00:30:41,842 --> 00:30:45,708
We kept a low profile,
we got jobs, a mortgage.

404
00:30:46,220 --> 00:30:48,711
- We... What was that word, dear?
- We assimilated.

405
00:30:48,889 --> 00:30:50,632
Yeah, we assimilated.

406
00:30:50,807 --> 00:30:53,428
Why, we play bridge on Tuesdays
and Fridays.

407
00:30:53,601 --> 00:30:55,179
We're just like everybody else.

408
00:30:55,353 --> 00:30:57,309
You're not blending like you think,
lady.

409
00:30:57,479 --> 00:31:00,052
This might pinch a bit, dear.

410
00:31:00,315 --> 00:31:02,272
Aah! You bitch!

411
00:31:02,775 --> 00:31:04,353
Oh, my goodness, me.

412
00:31:04,527 --> 00:31:06,484
Somebody owes a nickel
to the swear jar.

413
00:31:07,237 --> 00:31:11,021
Oh, do you know what I say
when I feel like swearing? Fudge.

414
00:31:11,949 --> 00:31:13,278
I'll try and remember that.

415
00:31:13,451 --> 00:31:16,024
You boys have no idea
how lucky you are.

416
00:31:16,203 --> 00:31:18,824
There was a time when
kids came from miles around...

417
00:31:18,997 --> 00:31:22,330
...just to be sitting where you are.
- What do you think you're doing?

418
00:31:23,125 --> 00:31:25,746
You fudging touch me again,
I'll fudging kill you!

419
00:31:25,919 --> 00:31:27,294
Very good.

420
00:31:29,255 --> 00:31:30,963
Aah!

421
00:31:35,468 --> 00:31:37,461
No. No, don't.

422
00:31:46,603 --> 00:31:48,560
Oh-ho. We've got a winner.

423
00:32:02,408 --> 00:32:05,112
- What else, dear?
Well, let's see.

424
00:32:05,285 --> 00:32:07,361
Fingernail, blood. Oh!

425
00:32:07,537 --> 00:32:10,703
Sweet Peter on a Popsicle stick.
Heh. I forgot the tooth.

426
00:32:10,915 --> 00:32:12,990
- Ha-ha-ha.
Oh, dear.

427
00:32:14,209 --> 00:32:16,036
- Merry Christmas, Sam.
- Mm.

428
00:32:21,465 --> 00:32:24,038
- Open wide and say: Aah.
- Ach!

429
00:32:24,718 --> 00:32:25,998
Aah!

430
00:32:29,388 --> 00:32:30,763
So are you gonna get that?

431
00:32:32,724 --> 00:32:34,348
You should get that.

432
00:32:38,187 --> 00:32:39,894
Come on.

433
00:32:43,191 --> 00:32:44,768
Merry Christmas.

434
00:32:44,942 --> 00:32:47,433
- I told you I smelled fruitcake.
- You shouldn't have.

435
00:32:47,611 --> 00:32:50,232
- Oh. Bite your tongue. It's my pleasure.
- Looks scrumptious.

436
00:32:50,405 --> 00:32:52,397
We're going caroling, care to join?

437
00:32:52,573 --> 00:32:53,652
You know we would...

438
00:32:53,824 --> 00:32:56,611
It's my back.
Darn thing's giving me fits.

439
00:32:56,785 --> 00:32:58,279
That's a shame.

440
00:32:58,453 --> 00:33:00,611
- Oh, well, Merry Christmas.
- And to you too.

441
00:33:00,788 --> 00:33:03,410
- Are we still on for bridge tomorrow?
- With bells on.

442
00:33:03,583 --> 00:33:05,575
- Yes. Okay, bye.
- Bye-bye.

443
00:33:14,634 --> 00:33:17,124
Ah. Where were we?

444
00:33:31,439 --> 00:33:33,846
What do we do now?
The stakes are in the basement.

445
00:33:34,024 --> 00:33:36,562
Well, we need more evergreen, Dean.

446
00:33:38,028 --> 00:33:40,353
I think I just found us some more.

447
00:33:40,530 --> 00:33:42,356
Help me get this.

448
00:34:14,891 --> 00:34:17,464
You little thing.

449
00:34:17,935 --> 00:34:20,093
I loved that tree.

450
00:34:31,197 --> 00:34:32,607
Madge!

451
00:35:04,015 --> 00:35:05,674
Merry Christmas.

452
00:35:26,575 --> 00:35:28,531
Sam, wake up.

453
00:35:30,578 --> 00:35:32,784
Dad was here. Look what he brought.

454
00:35:32,955 --> 00:35:35,445
- Dad was here?
- Yeah.

455
00:35:35,624 --> 00:35:37,450
Look at this. We made a killing.

456
00:35:39,044 --> 00:35:40,586
Why didn't he try to wake me up?

457
00:35:42,130 --> 00:35:43,873
He tried to, like, a thousand times.

458
00:35:44,882 --> 00:35:45,961
He did?

459
00:35:46,467 --> 00:35:49,752
Yeah. Did I tell you he would
give us Christmas or what?

460
00:35:51,179 --> 00:35:52,210
Go on. Dive in.

461
00:36:07,108 --> 00:36:08,686
What is it?

462
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:10,771
Sapphire Barbie?

463
00:36:11,821 --> 00:36:15,023
- Heh. Dad probably thinks you're a girl.
- Shut up.

464
00:36:15,198 --> 00:36:16,443
Open that one.

465
00:36:26,165 --> 00:36:28,703
- Dad never showed, did he?
- Yeah, he did. I swear.

466
00:36:29,752 --> 00:36:31,791
Dean, where did you get all this stuff?

467
00:36:37,383 --> 00:36:38,711
Nice house up the block.

468
00:36:41,052 --> 00:36:44,551
I swear, I didn't know
they were chick presents.

469
00:36:46,849 --> 00:36:49,339
Look, I'm sure dad
would have been here if he could.

470
00:36:50,143 --> 00:36:52,301
- Lf he's alive.
- Don't say that.

471
00:36:52,854 --> 00:36:54,810
Of course he's alive.

472
00:36:54,980 --> 00:36:56,606
He's dad.

473
00:37:04,364 --> 00:37:05,562
Here.

474
00:37:05,782 --> 00:37:08,070
- Take this.
- No.

475
00:37:08,242 --> 00:37:10,033
No, that's for dad.

476
00:37:10,202 --> 00:37:12,194
Dad lied to me.

477
00:37:12,454 --> 00:37:13,734
I want you to have it.

478
00:37:17,875 --> 00:37:19,535
- Are you sure?
- I'm sure.

479
00:37:37,349 --> 00:37:39,388
Thank you, Sam. L...

480
00:37:39,559 --> 00:37:41,302
I love it.

481
00:37:59,742 --> 00:38:01,818
Hey, you get the beer?

482
00:38:02,327 --> 00:38:03,952
What's all this?

483
00:38:04,287 --> 00:38:05,532
What do you think it is?

484
00:38:05,705 --> 00:38:06,868
It's Christmas.

485
00:38:12,794 --> 00:38:14,538
What made you change your mind?

486
00:38:17,674 --> 00:38:22,003
Here, try the eggnog.

487
00:38:23,179 --> 00:38:25,503
Let me know
if it needs some more kick.

488
00:38:30,184 --> 00:38:31,215
- No, we're good.
- Yeah?

489
00:38:31,394 --> 00:38:32,591
- Yeah.
- Good.

490
00:38:32,770 --> 00:38:38,225
Well, have a seat.
Let's do Christmas stuff or whatever.

491
00:38:38,566 --> 00:38:40,393
All right, first thing's first.

492
00:38:49,241 --> 00:38:51,198
Merry Christmas, Sam.

493
00:38:53,370 --> 00:38:55,991
- Where did you get these?
- Someplace special.

494
00:38:56,706 --> 00:38:58,283
- Gas mart down the street.
- Ha-ha-ha.

495
00:38:58,457 --> 00:38:59,488
Open them up.

496
00:39:00,083 --> 00:39:01,328
Yeah.

497
00:39:01,543 --> 00:39:04,627
- Great minds think alike, Dean.
- Really?

498
00:39:04,796 --> 00:39:06,171
Here you go.

499
00:39:06,338 --> 00:39:08,378
Oh, come on.

500
00:39:09,466 --> 00:39:10,960
Yeah.

501
00:39:11,468 --> 00:39:13,294
Skin mags...

502
00:39:15,304 --> 00:39:16,383
...and shaving cream.

503
00:39:16,555 --> 00:39:18,097
You like?

504
00:39:18,890 --> 00:39:21,463
Yeah, yeah.

505
00:39:28,732 --> 00:39:31,567
Well, look at this.
Fuel for me and fuel for my baby.

506
00:39:33,278 --> 00:39:36,314
- These are awesome. Thanks.
- Good.

507
00:39:40,534 --> 00:39:41,613
Merry Christmas, bro.

508
00:39:42,410 --> 00:39:44,284
Yeah, yeah.

509
00:39:44,454 --> 00:39:45,734
Here, Merry Christmas.

510
00:40:02,385 --> 00:40:03,843
Hey, Dean.

511
00:40:17,897 --> 00:40:20,269
Do you feel like watching the game?

512
00:40:20,441 --> 00:40:21,721
Absolutely.

513
00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:24,439
All right.